I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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