Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
third nipple confirmed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
