My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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