Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
