Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
