Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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