just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
