they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
