mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
