Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
