he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
