a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
