Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
