Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
