I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
