Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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