Im at strip club and am horny
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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