So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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