We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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