he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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