yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He better not be in your backpack
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
