your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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