He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
foreskin is a definite game changer
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
