Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
