Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
