is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
