I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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