Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
