i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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