I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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