remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
