If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
