That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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