Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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