Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
