i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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