I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
