i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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