Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
