so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Two words: blizzard sex
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
