I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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