just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
