I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
