I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
