Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
