Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
