Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
