i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
