I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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