Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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