During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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