so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
as a side note pls kill me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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