I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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