He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
